In less than 18 hours, I will be among thousands in this state, beginning the first of our final High School exams.
Oh, the joy…
Where many have had their head down in a book for the most part of the last two weeks, I have not. The seeming amount of stress and effort many of my fellow schoolmates have been going through, I seem to be having none of that. Which really worries me… The fact I have found the time to even write this blog post, just hours before the start of an exam that will most probably decide my future… I don’t know how I’m doing it, but I am.
I have almost the same attitude right now as what I had before and during my Trial exams completed about two months ago. Relatively unstressed and almost an ‘anything goes’ attitude. Upon return of the tests, they revealed gaping holes in my knowledge, scraping into B scores for three of my subjects, while failing all my maths. I discovered how unprepared I truly was.
Had I learnt from that? No.
In Economics, we’ve learnt about ‘micro-economic reform’, where relatively small sacrifices in the short-term are made for benefits in the long-term. It would appear I have rejected to implement an equivalent for myself.
Over the past two weeks I’ve done little in terms of study, opting to do my usual, less productive activities. I’ve glanced at my notes every now and then, completed only a total of eight past papers across my subjects, (better than none, but nowhere near as many as others) and only sought help from my one of my teachers four days ago, who is now on leave. Even now, I’m clearly, not studying, and I feel like saying ‘eh’, to all my upcoming exams. I’m confused as to whether or not I’ve grown to ‘not care’ anymore, or if I’ve just become lazy. Probably both.
Despite this ‘laziness’, I haven’t been sleeping very well. Not worried about my exams, I’m more concerned about what I plan to do after the exams. And not about what lies ahead career/NEET/homeless-wise, but the short-term. “Europe or Japan?”, “24-70mm F/2.8 or 17-30mm F/2.8?”, “Anime or Manga?”, “Circle or Square?”
It has been driving me crazy.
It doesn’t help seeing everyone else seem to have their goals for the future already planned out. Many of my friends have their university goals made, what ‘fun’ they’ve already planned and booked for after their exams…
I used to think I had it all planned out. Earn some money over the next few months, pursue some photography, make my first pilgrimage to Japan with a few of my friends, move out from my parents, study at University, and have a career somewhere in the field of Engineering or Architecture. Though over the course of the year, it began to fall apart, primarily due to my seemingly growing disinterest in Mathematics and Physics…
Ack… I’ll stop here for now, I really do just have to ‘go with it’. In two months’ time, I’ll receive my University entrance score, and I know my results will reflect the amount of effort I’ve put in this year. I can’t help that now… I need to concentrate as much as I can on maximising whatever I can over the coming three weeks.
Wish me luck for my upcoming exams?
I know I’ll need it…
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