Note that this was a post from my blog at an older location: Posted June 28 2008

Ahahahaha! Qantas! XDLOL! Anyway, well one of my fellow plane fans Bayden, along with most of my other friends, know that I don’t really like Qantas, even though I’ve never flown on Qantas before, and they’ve never lost a major jet liner. Anyway, Bayden found this chain mail somewhere and I find it very hilarious! Anyway, the chain mail goes as follows:

What makes these even funnier is that they are real!!

In case you need a laugh: Remember, it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a ‘Gripe Sheet’ which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.
The mechanics correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the Gripe Sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas’ pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute Descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That’s what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you’re right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny……….. (I love this one!)
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last………………
P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget

Hehe, even if you don’t like Qantas, or even if these have been made up, I find them very hilarious! Heh, typical of Qantas! And in case you don’t know some of the terms, here’s a little more information about some terms:
DME – Distance Measuring Equipment (Wikipedia Link)
IFF – Identification friend or foe (Wikipedia Link)
Number 3 Engine on most 4 engined aircraft is located on the right wing.